Finally Meeting Him in Person and Being Disappointed

Online Dating is a great way to meet new people quickly and easily, as you have the convenience of chatting with the love of your life from your computer. One problem, however, is that sometimes people find out that their date looks or acts completely different from their initial impressions over the Internet. After weeks or months of built-up romance and anticipation, a couple finally decides to have a lunch or go to the movies together, allowing them to meet each other in person for the first time. Sometimes they walk away in each others arms, while sometimes they end with a long, cold, and stiff awkward silence. Or, perhaps, the partner may have had a good time, but you have gained completely different impression of their date and no longer like him or her.

Many people who have or have not had this experience may ask why such a thing can happen. After all, shouldn’t it he or she been able to tell earlier whether the date was compatible or not? Were they being deceived, or did they make a mistake? What happened to all those long hours talking cheerfully through IM or on the phone, each being surer by the minute that they had found their perfect match? It’s a devastating experience to go through, and it is even tougher to tell your partner the truth without hurting their feelings. Here are a few tips in order to ease the pain of these rejections.

First, it would be best to avoid directly saying that there is not the right chemistry or connection in the relationship. This often conveys the sense that the partner has not lived up to your expectations, and will most likely walk home with his or her head hanging. It can also be a mistake to emphasize physical qualities, as this is something that the partner cannot change and is often sensitive about.

To help improve the mood, the concerned person may try to tell the other that it is important to find each other’s right mate if he or she wanted to build a happy relationship. This point is unarguable, and it tells the other person that the breakup has the best intentions for the both of them. It will also remind them of the possibility of finding a better match in the future, which always helps ease the pain of a breakup. It would also help to explain how the chemistry between two people should be, so that he or she can improve in future relationships.

One common mistake is to make up excuses in order to avoid hurting any feelings. Perhaps you couldn’t meet with him because you had to go to your mother’s dinner, or you couldn’t stay at her house because you left the stove on. Either way, excuses often tend to simply exaggerate the problem by hurting the feelings of the partner once you get caught. It also in a way disrespects your partner, as he or she will usually notice when you are telling excuses and call you a liar. Even if they do work, they do not solve the problem and you will be forced to make another excuse the next chance for a date, postponing the issue longer than it should be. The best course of action would simply be to come clean and be direct.

Another common mistake is to flip-flop between love and hate with your partner. Many tell their mates too early that they do not think that the relationship will work out, but eventually come back into the other person’s arms, realizing that the previous decisions were wrong. While love can happen again, the scar of the initial breakup is still there, and there is often still a bitter taste in the midst of all the sweetness. One cannot expect a partner to take him or her back completely, especially if he or she was the one that caused the separation in the first place.

Finally, the concerned individual should give a chance for the other person to express his or her feelings as well. Perhaps there is a good explanation, and he can win your heart again. It is only fair to give him or her a chance to speak up as well before you hurry into the decision to end the relationship.

In summary, the best course of action would simply to have a direct and honest talk with your partner about what is wrong in the relationship, and give him or her a chance to make up. If it does not work out and both of you wish to start dating, part as peacefully and with as little trouble as possible.